Column on Energy
Enigma, Oasis, The Verve
Here is my Sped-Up Feet-Quence video (I will release the raw 40 minute video in a later post).
My self-centering energy is to be generous and accepting of myself, which leads to the same energy / understanding for others. From this, everything else flows.
I heard growing up that it is "important" to work on the parts of yourself that you do not like. I think this was just as much as a part of a conversation as rejecting or changing the part of yourself that if you leave unattended will spring back into its original form to teach you acceptance or to be at war with yourself.
The more you reject parts of yourself the darker they become. Carl Jung said:
“Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual's conscious life, the blacker and denser it is. At all counts, it forms an unconscious snag, thwarting our most well-meant intentions.”
This Carl Jung quote exemplifies my keep getting myself into "Qu'est-ce que tu vas chercher?" and "Sade, es-tu diabolique ou divin?" Enigma trouble:
"Filling the conscious mind with ideal conceptions is a characteristic of Western theosophy, but not the confrontation with the shadow and the world of darkness. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious. The latter procedure, however, is disagreeable and therefore not popular."
(Amy Grant's 1982 song, El Shaddai, which I remember first hearing in the late '80s, made me believe that God was in the Universe since I saw myself in outer space while listening to this song on the radio. I did not and still do not understand how God could be in a distant place called "Heaven" that is outside the Universe.)
I thought my shadow was not scary if I faced it. The songs, Oasis' Champagne Supernova (1996) and The Verve's Bitter Sweet Symphony (1997) solidified this in me.
When I was growing up, I liked watching tennis since it has 2 individuals playing against each other. In baseball, which I do not like, the pitcher and batterer are the 2 main players which meant I saw baseball as an illusion of a team sport since the other players cannot play until the pitcher and batterer have successfully completed their task. Basketball and football (NFL) are team sports since the players have equal “weight”. I am not much of a sports fan.
(After the 2015 Charlie Hebdo attack, I do not watch tennis since I started seeing the tennis ball being played as a Muhammad drawing which was tossed back and forth peacefully between 2 players during the 2015 Australian Open. Then on the news, more violent attacks would happen. I could not handle the dichotomy between the news and tennis.)
At a young age, I understood that energy can flow to you therefore giving you a solid base for understanding or you can push energy away from you which causes you anger.
Self-directed internal negative energy is another emotion that self-acceptance guards against and, since I have to live with myself, I just accept myself on an as-is basis which makes life easier. Since I value and listen to the voice in my own life, I understand that my energy is interwoven with my voice and that both will sustain me. I had to learn this at an early age since other people told me explicitly or implicitly, through their energy, that their abilities were better than mine. I felt like I had to be dependent on them which made me feel inferior.
Here is the problem with liking yourself:
When you are comfortable with yourself, you do not understand TFG’s voters’ mentality and energy since the 2016 election. I reluctantly learned about how Donald validated his supporters anger / hate and they, in return, validated his and their own anger / hate by voting for him in the geographically right locations that “support” the electoral college.
Since I learned the hard way that I have to be able to defend my thinking to other people so I would be taken seriously, I do not understand the passiveness displayed by the Democratic leadership in the House, Senate, and President Biden with respect to Manchin-Sinema. This passiveness also includes AG Merrick Garland with respect to Donald Trump and, now, masks. This drains my energy to molasses level since I cannot understand “success” without the independence resulting from thinking for yourself but I am not a politician or a former ponderous judge (WaPo subscription).
(By me leaving this paragraph here, I am implying what I am saying to the individuals above!) Prior to when I was 18 years old, I did not have the ability to speak my mind to the extent that I do as a person who is older than 18. I have long believed that adults either live their lives as if they are younger than 18, waiting for permission from others, or older than 18 and making decisions for themselves. I make decisions for myself and abide by the aftermath. Risk of covid is the only exception to my decision-making, which affects my every decision since March, 2020. I am glad I am introverted.
Thank you for watching and reading!
Thanks for this post, Caroline. I found it very meaningful, and it was good to see you in your beautiful space with Roscoe and Bear. From a distance, Roscoe's food looked like yummy baked goods! :)